I Fear Rejection...

My music isn't for you,

Or for anybody else.

It is for my satisfaction, but like any other, I am afraid of rejection.

I took my music to a band, 

hoping they would count me in, 

they said I play it well but

I fail to create an atmosphere.
I walked back sorry for myself, 

but dear, 

How in Pete's name

should I create an atmosphere?

I went to a restaurant then,

where there are not only young but also old men, 

I played my music for them, 

But the manager told me ( in a polite way)

to get out!

I thought my music was a gem, 

But for these people I was a fraud without doubt...

Or maybe ,

Just maybe, 

I am somewhere lacking,

I am somewhere bad, 

I need to realize the reason,

Why do these people go mad!

Crushed and crumbled I am,

but still some courage exists...

I go to various places and insist, 

But nobody seems to accept my art,

And why should they?

I have enough faith in myself and my art, 

I know I can do it well...

But somewhere in the corner of my heart,

Someone says I am lacking and rings a bell...

With no courage or faith I return home,

maybe I shouldn't play it here either,

coz I fear rejection, again.

I fear not being accepted, again,

I fear losing faith in my art, again...

Nevertheless, there is someone who has told me to play...

I bear a small smile,

but I am nervous (yes, I am!),

I clench my fist,

I look at my palm,

I look at my loved one 

And three; two; one;

There I go...I play it one more time...

the fear still exists,

But I am stronger this time...

I play the last note...

I wait for a reaction...

There is no rejection...

I believe I don't lack an atmosphere,

I can't hear words from my dear,

Only claps...

And admiration in eyes...

the faith comes back,

courage comes back

And my confidence shoots up...

No, I am not accepted  yet by all,

But who cares???

All I care about is

those claps...

that admiration...

And my first little bit of celebration!!!

                                           
                                                              By Shahen Pardiwala.

                                  ©Shahen Pardiwala. All Rights Reserved.