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Tuesday, February 24, 2015

I Fear Rejection...

My music isn't for you,

Or for anybody else.

It is for my satisfaction, but like any other, I am afraid of rejection.

I took my music to a band, 
hoping they would count me in, 
they said I play it well but
I fail to create an atmosphere.
I walked back sorry for myself, 
but dear, 
How in Pete's name
should I create an atmosphere?

I went to a restaurant then,
where there are not only young but also old men, 
I played my music for them, 
But the manager told me ( in a polite way)
to get out!
I thought my music was a gem, 
But for these people I was a fraud without doubt...

Or maybe ,
Just maybe, 
I am somewhere lacking,
I am somewhere bad, 
I need to realize the reason,
Why do these people go mad!

Crushed and crumbled I am,
but still some courage exists...
I go to various places and insist, 
But nobody seems to accept my art,
And why should they?
I have enough faith in myself and my art, 
I know I can do it well...
But somewhere in the corner of my heart,
Someone says I am lacking and rings a bell...

With no courage or faith I return home,
maybe I shouldn't play it here either,
coz I fear rejection, again.
I fear not being accepted, again,
I fear losing faith in my art, again...

Nevertheless, there is someone who has told me to play...
I bear a small smile,
but I am nervous (yes, I am!),
I clench my fist,
I look at my palm,
I look at my loved one 
And three; two; one;

There I go...I play it one more time...
the fear still exists,
But I am stronger this time...
I play the last note...
I wait for a reaction...
There is no rejection...
I believe I don't lack an atmosphere,
I can't hear words from my dear,
Only claps...
And admiration in eyes...
the faith comes back,
courage comes back
And my confidence shoots up...
No, I am not accepted  yet by all,

But who cares???
All I care about is
those claps...
that admiration...
And my first little bit of celebration!!!
                                                              By Shahen Pardiwala.
                                  ©Shahen Pardiwala. All Rights Reserved.


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