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Thursday, October 22, 2015

E-mail to JEALOUSY!

Disclaimer: Please don’t kill me for using the word “jealous and its various word forms” in this e-mail.

(I think a BCC would be better lest you will feel jealous that I sent this mail to someone else too.)

Dear Jealous Person,

It has taken me a long time to realise this.  But now I have. That you are jealous of me! All your attempts of putting me down, all your tactics to make me feel not as worthy of my achievements, all your methods to insult me, are not going to work anymore. (anyways those weren’t methods- you stole my stuff & called me names…someone pass me a ‘hansi ke aasu’ emoticon.)

Seriously?! Like, you are a cool dude I thought. I thought about this for a while. I took away the blame from you and put your jealousy down as any other human tendency. But I can’t blame anyone else but you for your actions, your behaviour. Hence, this e-mail!

Before I get to the bottom of things, I earnestly don’t know the reason behind what I just came to the conclusion of. Why?

Because I have one pimple lesser than you on my face?

Because I scored a mark more than you in some test?

Because I get more likes or comments on some picture on some social media site?

Because I was invited to a party and you weren’t?

No. I actually need to know. It’s not that I am not jealous of people. I’m not taking away your right to be jealous of me, or of anybody else. It’s fine. It’s human. I am jealous of way too many people and I envy several individuals for several reasons. But my jealousy doesn’t translate into behaviour similar to that of kindergarten kids.

You’ve been stealing my stuff and calling me names (no one gave the hansi ke aasu emoticon yet)…You have left no stone unturned to upset me. I’ve heard a person jealous of someone else considers the other one more fortunate or better. 

Cool?! Then invent better ways and means to portray your jealousy. You know what you can do? Something that is better than your existing means of putting me down…

Do something and get that one pimple off your face (Rather, drop this! Boys don’t need to care that much about pimples)

Do something and get that one extra mark. (Or look at my third language score)

Have a look at how many people dare to like my atrocious selfies I put up! (Or take better ones…or just accept we boys are bad at taking selfies ;)

Find out that that party was one where kids were throwing tissues dipped in water and pizza pieces at each other! 

And do you know what you can actually do to make me feel horribly upset?

Stop trying to make me feel upset.

That’ll make me jealous of you! (No kidding!) Won’t that be splendid? Sometimes to just be, and be happy is more rewarding than kindergarten means of insult.

Something terribly awesome would be to send this email to me one day (don’t take this too seriously coz I am not someone to resort to what you’ve been doing … nevertheless you can read my thoughts ;)

Now, that you have read everything up till here its time I tell you what my game-plan is going to be:


Boo! Nothing! You know what? It feels great at this point of time. First I felt frustrated and irritated and bugged…why IS this happening to me? Now, I am enjoying! It’s great to have haters and people jealous of me.

When you come up to me and say nasty things, it’s bad. But to see your face or just imagine your expressions when you are burning with envy is soothing. If you print this email out and distribute it to the rest of the world, it is going to be an imperial experience for me. 

Jeevan trupt ho jayega!  

That is why you have to believe me. Trying to make me upset now is only going to make you sadder and me, happier (I don’t give a damn anymore, though).
Anyways, now the ball is in your court. (don’t tell me you play cricket & there are no courts in cricket ;)

Yours Enviously,



Cheers! And wait up for another email to somebody else...till then, read this: An E-mail to Pimples

Have you been a victim of jealousy? Ever been jealous of anyone. You are with me on both sides and trust me, it's normal. Tell me in the comments below how you deal with both. And if you think this post can make a difference, share it! 

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